Part 14 Take My Hand. Erestor marched with grim determination. The rain had grown worse and the wind had picked up, tugging at his clothes, but still he struggled on. Once he had reached the Bruinen, he sank down onto his knees and stared at the water, watching the wind whipping it around. Feeling the cold earth underneath his knees pulled him back into reality. Memories were trying to pull him under, and like the water, he struggled. But in the end, pain won. Lifting his eyes to the heavens he searched the dark sky for stars, – one star in particular-, and sighed finding it shining brightly. “Aiya, gîl-nîn, how I miss you.” Feeling miserable and lonely, he wrapped his arms around his waist, rocking himself. This night would pass slowly and he would suffer in silence like he had done these last few centuries. The dark of night resembled the darkness in his mind. He struggled to hold on to their happier moments, but there were so few! The wind tugged at his hood and pushed it down, revealing his tear-streaked face to the heavens. His eyes, large and swimming with tears, stared at the stars and he raised his arms in an effort to touch them. At moments like these, Gil-galad felt so close, -- close enough to touch. He merely needed to whisper, as the wind carried his words for miles. “Oh, gîl-nîn, I have tried so hard to tell myself that you are gone…” How many lonely nights had he spent, trying to move on after his lover’s death? Too many to count.  “But the pain – this pain – is just too real.” Murmuring, he placed his right hand over his heart, remembering the love they had shared, honoring its memory. “And there is just too much pain that time cannot heal…” His heart had never healed, – truly healed –, for only a love as dedicated and deep as Gil-galad’s had been, would set his heart free. “Aiya, Glorfindel…” The bliss Glorfindel and he had known in Mandos was now only a memory, -- one that cut his heart in two, and there wasn’t so much left of it to begin with. Bowing forward, he placed his hands on the wet earth and dug his fingernails into the grass, needing to connect to reality, as he was seeing Gil-galad’s eyes in his mind. “Erestor?” At hearing his name spoken that hesitantly, he looked over his shoulder. His first reaction was to chase the one away who had dared to approach him in his grief, but seeing it was Glorfindel, he remained motionless… and he waited for whatever was to come. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Glorfindel had struggled to get here. The wind was brutal and had stopped him several times. The gale lessened in strength and he gingerly approached the kneeling figure. “Erestor?” He spoke in a gentle, soft tone, one which only Elven ears could pick up on above the wind. Erestor had heard and was now looking at him over his shoulder. His heart missed a beat and then sped up its rhythm, realizing that it wasn’t just rain that was dripping from Erestor’s face. /Why are you crying?/ “You should be inside, warm and safe, not out here.” Erestor swallowed his pain and sorrow and slowly pushed himself to his feet. He felt heavy, like a tremendous regret was pushing him down – and wasn’t that true? “Go back to Elrond’s rooms.” Glorfindel shook his head. “Nay. I want to know what you are doing here… And why you are crying,” he added hesitantly. Erestor confused him. The raven-haired Elf had proven to be someone else than he had thought him to be and he still didn’t know what to think about that. Erestor’s shoulders slumped forward. “Leave me here and go back to Elrond.” “Nay,” repeated Glorfindel, inching closer. “What are you doing here?” Looking at the blond, Erestor felt guilty. “You are wet, shivering.” He couldn’t help feeling protective of his secret love, especially now that he knew the blond was struggling to accept his pregnancy. Glorfindel didn’t need this. “Please go back and get warm.” “Only if you come with me.” Glorfindel’s jaw set determinedly. “I am not leaving you out here in the rain… In the dark.” It was those last three words that caused Erestor to sob softly. “I have been lost in the dark for so long…” But, looking at Glorfindel, he saw the light that radiated from the Elda’s form. “Nay, I do not have the right…” Glorfindel was already carrying enough pain; there was no reason for the Elda to carry his as well. Glorfindel was worried about his friend. Erestor was acting strangely and he wanted the raven-haired Elf inside, out of the rain and nowhere near the Bruinen. The water was whirling savagely and about to break free from the river bedding. Considering the obvious emotional state Erestor was in, it was important to get him away from here. Raising his right hand, Glorfindel brushed wet locks from his face and struggled to keep his eyes open when a particularly hard wave of wind hit his face. “Come with me, mellon-nîn.” Extending his hand, he hoped that Erestor would accept. “It is the only way to make me go back inside,” he added, hating that he had to resort to emotional blackmail, but Erestor’s behavior worried him. He had never before seen such an unfocused stare in those dark eyes. “Come with me,” he repeated, taking another step closer toward the trembling Elf.  “All you have to do is take my hand.” A bitter laugh escaped Erestor’s lips. “All I have to do is take your hand… Glorfindel, you have no idea… Leave me be.” “Nay! By Elbereth, stop being stubborn and come with me.” More tears welled up in Erestor’s eyes. “You have no idea what you are asking of me.” This night, his sorrow belonged to Gil-galad. “You are right. I do not know why this is so hard for you, but I refuse to give up on you.” Erestor stared at Glorfindel’s hand, still extended and beckoning him. Large raindrops dripped from the fingertips and the wind seemed to caress the blond’s skin, moving over the palm. Shakily, he raised his own hand and placed it in Glorfindel’s, but the guilt, sorrow and pain didn’t lessen. Acting on impulse, Glorfindel wrapped an arm around Erestor. As always, the ease with which he reached out and touched Erestor, surprised him. With Elrond, he cringed when being touched, but Erestor’s touch was different. “You are wet and shivering, so let us seek shelter and warm ourselves.” Leading Erestor away from the Bruinen, they started their way home. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Glorfindel decided on using Erestor’s rooms, hoping the raven-haired Elf would feel less tense in his own chambers. During their way back, Erestor had been as tense as a bowstring and had seemed ready to bolt several times. It was amazing that Erestor had allowed him to take him home. Erestor sighed deeply, feeling nervous and scared now that Glorfindel seemed determined to watch over him. He rested his hand on the door handle, turned about and looked into Glorfindel’s eyes. “I…” He had wanted to thank and dismiss Glorfindel, but now he didn’t want to part from his companion. “You watched over me for many nights. I can do the same thing for you… I *want* to do the same thing for you,” Glorfindel clarified. “I should not burden you with my memories…” “Your pain,” corrected Glorfindel. He knew he was right, seeing the haunted expression in Erestor’s eyes. Erestor nodded once, wondering why he was giving in. He pushed down the door handle and stepped into his rooms. His heart contracted painfully, realizing he had left the chest open. His gaze traveled to his bed and he cringed, finding that he had forgotten to put some items back. Glorfindel saw Erestor’s peculiar reaction, but thought nothing of it. Erestor was acting strange at any rate. “Why don’t you get out of your wet clothes?” Erestor shook his head. “Nay… I must wear them until sunrise.” Emotionally drained, he sank down onto the floor, sitting cross-legged and rocking slightly. Alarmed, Glorfindel shrugged out of his wet cloak and reached for the blanket at the foot of Erestor’s bed. Sitting down next to the hurting Elf, he wrapped the material around Erestor’s shoulders. He would have preferred for his friend to remove his wet clothes, but this had to do for now. “Why? Why must you wear them?” Curiously, his gaze was drawn to the items on the bed. A sword with inscriptions in Tengwar and a mithril circlet rested near an open chest. “Erestor?” Glorfindel’s voice pulled Erestor from his memories and he shivered, seeing the blond stare at the sword and circlet. Why did Glorfindel have to seek him out at the Bruinen? He knew the Elda good enough to know that Glorfindel would only settle for the truth. Was he ready to share his pain? Reaching to take hold of the sword, Glorfindel’s arm remained poised in mid air, seeing the sudden distress on Erestor’s face. “I won’t touch it,” he said reassuringly, wondering why his friend was reacting like that. “But it is magnificent.” How many times had the steel been folded to create this perfect blade? A sad smile appeared on Erestor’s face and he made his decision that very moment. “It belonged to my lover.” “Your lover?” Glorfindel’s eyes widened. That answer revealed so much! “You had a male lover then?” It was a man’s sword, broad and heavy. Erestor nodded once, but didn’t speak. He was afraid his voice would betray just how emotional he was. “And he…” Glorfindel didn’t want to say the words, but… “He died?” A large tear slipped from Erestor’s eye and slid down his cheek. “Aye, he is dead.” “Is that why you are so… sad?” The right words didn’t want to come to him and Glorfindel hoped that his presence didn’t worsen Erestor’s pain. He was beginning to understand why the raven-haired Elf had wanted to be alone. “He died at the Battle of the Last Alliance.” Recalling something Erestor had mentioned during their escape from Orthanc, he said, “You were trained as a spy, if I remember correctly. Please forgive me if I am wrong, but… my memory is clouded when it comes down to… that period.” He didn’t want to address the state he had been in when Erestor had found him. It was best to focus on his friend for now. “You are right again.” Erestor averted his eyes, wondering what else Glorfindel wanted to know. The blond was getting too close to his pain. “You do not have to stay. I will be fine.” But Glorfindel didn’t believe that. “Why tonight?” “This is the night in which he died… and he took my heart with him.” Erestor bowed his head and stared at the floor. “I have done this each year since his death. This night belongs to his memory.” Glorfindel’s heart twitched with pain. “Do you not think it is time to let go?” The enraged expression in Erestor’s eyes briefly startled him. “I mean no offense, but… wouldn’t your lover want you to move on?” “I never asked myself that question,” sighed Erestor, feeling drained. “Why don’t you tell me about him? Maybe that will help?” But what he really wanted was to get Erestor out of his wet clothes, into something dry and warm, and then to settle down with him in front of a fire with a glass of miruvor. Unfortunately, it didn’t look like Erestor would cooperate, intent as the dark-haired Elf was on feeling miserable. “Why don’t you start by telling me his name?” The look Erestor gave him made his heart miss a beat. Why was Erestor guarding this so passionately? “I promise I won’t tell anyone.” Erestor gave in; knowing very well that Glorfindel wouldn’t go away before the blond knew what was tormenting him. Wringing his hands, he averted his eyes, unable to look at the Elf, whilst making his admission. “His name was Gil-galad.” Glorfindel gasped in surprise. “The High-King himself?” He briefly wondered if Erestor was making this up, but then his gaze drifted back to the sword and circlet. Reading the inscriptions, he realized it was the fabled High-King’s sword. “I do not understand.” Leaning back against the bed post, he tried to catch Erestor’s evasive gaze. Sighing deeply, Erestor opened up to Glorfindel. “It began a few years after I had reached majority. The Elders chose me to be trained as a spy and assassin. They realized the threat Evil presented and wanted to be prepared. I absolved the training and was then assigned to the High-King’s personal guards.” Glorfindel couldn’t help but stare at Erestor. “And yet you let us believe you were a scholar.” “I buried that part of my life after he died,” offered Erestor softly. “I am sorry I interrupted, please continue.” Glorfindel saw how hard this was on the dark-haired Elf and tried to radiate calm and support. Erestor had been there for him in his darkest hour and he wanted to do the same thing for his friend. He extended his hand, offering it to Erestor and hoping the raven-haired Elf would accept. Erestor stared at the offered limb, touched that Glorfindel wanted to comfort him. He knew how hard it was for the blond to touch and trust. Slowly, he placed his hand in Glorfindel’s. The smile that now surfaced on Glorfindel’s face made him smile weakly in return. “Please tell me what happened next.” Glorfindel hoped that Erestor would feel less listless after telling him. “We fell in love,” whispered Erestor as his memories took him back. “I fell in love the first time I saw him, but I did not dare think he would accept me as his lover, but he did.” Seeing Glorfindel’s questioning look, he added, “One night Orcs penetrated our defenses when Gil-galad was walking in the gardens. I saved his life. I took the poisoned arrow that had been meant for him. In my fever, I raved deliriously, telling him I was in love with him.” Glorfindel smiled brilliantly. “And he loved you back?” Erestor gave the blond a weak grin. “It turned out that he had noticed me before that incident, but had thought the attraction was one-sided. Once he had learned differently, he confided in me.” Squeezing Erestor’s hand encouragingly, Glorfindel waited for him to continue. “We were happy for a while, until Sauron’s power forced him to make a stand. I was working behind enemy lines, conveying information to our forces. When he faced Sauron, I was nowhere in sight.” Erestor closed his eyes, but still tears escaped from them. “Maybe he would have survived, had I been there.” “You do not know that,” said Glorfindel, tasting the guilt in Erestor’s voice. Erestor shrugged. “I will never know, but I find some comfort in the fact that Elrond tried to keep him safe, even if he failed.” “Elrond…” Glorfindel’s eyes widened. “He knows… I assume?” Another sigh fled Erestor’s lips. This emotional bloodletting was draining him. “Elrond supported me after Gil-galad’s death. Without him, my soul might have joined my lover’s in the Great Halls. But like you, Elrond pointed out to me that Gil-galad would want me to live and maybe find happiness again.” Something didn’t make sense to Glorfindel. “Then why did Gil-galad give Vilya to Elrond and not to you?” Erestor shook his head, trying to clear it of the painful memories. “I was not there. I was spying on the enemy, whilst Elrond was close. Elrond told me that Gil-galad wanted me to have the ring, but I have no use for it. I kept his sword and circlet instead. Those two things mean more to me than a ring of power. I care nothing for it.” Glorfindel was trying to deal with everything he had learned. It was so much information in so little time that his head reeled. “And after the battle…” “I stayed with Elrond. Emotionally, I was crushed. I would stare at the stars at night and refused any nourishment. Only Elrond’s healing skills kept me alive. I vowed to always stand at Elrond’s side and to protect and guide him for he was the only friend I had left. I am no leader, mellon-nîn, I follow Elrond. I needed his guidance in return. When we built Imladris it was *our* dream we created, not just his. We both wanted peace, – a sanctuary.” “I always wondered what made you so special that Elrond chose you as his chief advisor. Now I know.” Glorfindel drew in a deep breath, feeling tired as well. It had been some exhausting days. “You were right,” said Erestor unexpectedly. “I do feel somewhat better now.” But his voice belied that, sounding heavy and sad. “You are a good friend, but I can tell this is wearing you down and you need your rest.” “I said I would stay with you tonight and I will,” said Glorfindel firmly, surprising himself at feeling this determined. “You are in no state to be alone tonight. Not this night.” Erestor didn’t know what to say in answer to those words. He had been alone during this night for too many years and he felt that Glorfindel should not take on this burden. But at the same time, he craved the blond’s presence. It was like Mandos had said; it worked both ways and tonight he needed to feel Glorfindel close. Sighing, he got to his feet. It was time to break with tradition. “We should remove these wet clothes. Do you want to change first?” He opened the closet, took hold of a sleeping robe and handed it to Glorfindel. Glorfindel nervously moistened his lips, appreciating Erestor’s thoughtfulness. He wasn’t ready yet to undress in someone’s presence. Disappearing into the bathroom, he looked over his shoulder and caught one glance of Erestor, who reverently kissed the hilt of Gil-galad’s sword before putting it back into the chest. Feeling like an intruder for watching that private scene, he closed the door behind him and changed into the sleeping robe. Erestor’s fingertips lovingly caressed the circlet before putting it into the chest as well. “Am I ready to move on?” But then the bathroom door opened and Glorfindel appeared, wearing one of his sleeping robes. /Oh, how I wish you knew I love you…/ But Mandos had erased Glorfindel’s memories of the passion they had shared in the Great Halls. Another burden he had to bear. After collecting another sleeping robe, Erestor disappeared into the bathroom to change, considerate of Glorfindel’s feelings. Reaching the bed, Glorfindel cocked his head in thought. Much of Erestor’s actions made sense now. It explained Erestor’s decision to live as a scholar and bury his past, but the pain was still there, barely buried beneath the surface. He slipped beneath the covers, a now familiar ritual. Maybe he should simply move into Erestor’s rooms as he seemed to be spending most of his time here at any rate. Waiting for his companion to join him, his thoughts kept straying back to Erestor’s admissions. /Gil-galad and he were lovers… I never suspected a thing!/ Erestor announced his return by clearing his throat. Making eye contact with Glorfindel, he slowly approached the bed. He lay down on top of the covers, like he always did, but this time he wished Glorfindel would move just a little closer. During these past few nights he had held the blond during his sleep, and now he longed to be held close in return. But he couldn’t possibly ask Glorfindel to hold him. Some of Erestor’s feelings seeped through the bond they shared and Glorfindel instinctively reached out, folding an arm around Erestor’s waist and slowly, but insistently, pulled him close. “You can give in, mellon-nîn, I feel comfortable around you. You know that.” Erestor gingerly gave in to Glorfindel’s pull and rested his head on the blond’s chest. Sparkles of delight and joy tingled down their connection and both sighed blissfully. Smiling, Glorfindel stroked Erestor’s hair, just like the raven-haired Elf had done for him during those long and tiring nights. “Go to sleep now. You are not alone any more.” The words touched something deep inside him and Erestor repressed a strangled sob, pretending he was clearing his throat. But Glorfindel knew better. While continuing to stroke the long, dark tresses, he listened closely and waited for Erestor’s breathing to slow down. /Yes, sleep, mellon-nîn. I have suffered great pain physically, but your pain is of the soul./ Privately, he promised himself to pay more attention to his friend’s feelings and hopefully, he could ease Erestor’s suffering a little. Holding Erestor close, he savored the other Elf’s closeness, --and lulled into a sense of safety--, he fell asleep as well. -- Note; I used and changed some lyrics from a band called Evanescence and the song is called My Immortal. When I wrote this part I was listening to that song and trust me, if you can listen to it as well, you might recapture some of the feelings I had when writing this! At the time, the chapter felt pretty intense to me! ***** Part 15 Admission. The next time Glorfindel woke, he looked into calm, dark eyes. Erestor was studying him and suddenly he became aware of the blissful, warm sensation coursing through him. This felt right, --incredibly right. Slowly, recalling the doting expression he had seen earlier in Erestor’s expressive eyes, he raised a steady hand and pressed its palm against the dark-haired Elf’s cheek, rubbing the soft skin. Erestor remained absolutely motionless, uncertain why Glorfindel was touching him in this tender manner. His mouth felt dry and he was at a loss for words. He wanted to reach out so badly and return the caress, but he wasn’t sure the blond would welcome it. Tremors shook his frame when Glorfindel’s fingers moved closer to his lips, trailing their outline. “What are you doing?” he whispered breathlessly. Speaking the words made the blond’s fingers move against his lips. Glorfindel studied Erestor’s expression for a decisive moment and then said, “For how long have you been in love with me?” He felt fairly certain he was right. There was no other possible interpretation for that warm and loving look in those dark eyes.  Erestor though, seemed utterly stunned by the question. Glorfindel retained a tight hold on the raven-haired Elf, when he tried to move away from him. “I… am-m… n-not…” Erestor stopped stuttering, when Glorfindel placed a finger across his lips. “Do not deny it. I am not *that* blind.” Erestor sighed deeply and closed his eyes. He couldn’t look at Glorfindel any longer, knowing that his feelings were palpable in his eyes. “Tell me the truth, Erestor, and make sure it is the *whole* truth.” Glorfindel felt surprisingly calm. /Maybe I feel this calm because I have long ago accepted that he feels about me in that way. I was just too preoccupied to realize it. My own feelings puzzled me for some time as well, but I understand them now. Somewhere along the line I fell in love with him as well./ “For centuries,” whispered Erestor eventually, knowing that lying wouldn’t get him anywhere. “It began the day you joined Elrond’s household.” “That long?” Now that did surprise Glorfindel. “Why didn’t you say something?” Erestor forced himself to open his eyes. Glorfindel deserved to look him in the eyes when hearing his reply. “You preferred Elrond’s company.” “Aiya…” Glorfindel had hoped that his nightly escapades had remained hidden, but apparently he had failed to keep them a secret. “Who else knows?” “The twins… Arwen… Lindir… Most members of Elrond’s household.” Erestor cringed, seeing the guilty expression in Glorfindel’s eyes. “I assumed you were happy with that arrangement and I did not want to come between Elrond and you. Elrond has suffered much after Celebrían’s departure and he is entitled to his happiness.” “And what about *your* happiness?” Glorfindel tenderly fingered a lock of dark hair and Erestor’s sigh told him how much the dark-haired Elf craved his touch. “I am still mourning Gil-galad’s death… And I did not have the heart to tell you, for I did not want to destroy the little happiness Elrond had found with you.” Erestor trembled upon feeling Glorfindel’s fingers tangle in his dark tresses. “You never gave me any reason to believe you were interested in me in that way.” “Very true,” admitted Glorfindel, “But it seems that has changed. Ever since waking up from my… ordeal… I crave your touch. I want you close. I want you to hold me… I think I have fallen in love with you. I do not know when it happened exactly, but it did.” Erestor slowly shook his head and the movement caused Glorfindel’s fingers to caress his skin and raven hair. “You cannot be in love with me.” “But I am!” Glorfindel smiled enthusiastically. “I wish it had happened earlier, then you would not have suffered that much. Seeing the disbelief in Erestor’s brown eyes, he leaned in closer and, gently but determinedly, pressed his lips against Erestor’s soft ones. “I want to kiss you.” Glorfindel’s words, which displayed genuine desire and interest in him made Erestor feel weak. “Are you sure? I—“ Glorfindel effectively silenced the raven-haired Elf by pressing his lips against Erestor’s. The kiss was slow and lazy, as they both knew there was no reason to rush this. They had all the time they could possibly want. His heart missed a beat, seeing the tension flee from those dark eyes when he brought up his hands to place them on either side of Erestor’s head, holding him tightly in place. Erestor temporarily lost his ability to think logically when a sweet and demanding tongue pressed against his teeth. Eagerly, he parted them, allowing Glorfindel entrance. Maintaining eye contact, Glorfindel searched Erestor’s eyes. /I was blind not to see this. This is why he came after me, followed me into Orthanc and brought me back./ Glorfindel made the kiss last, but had to pull back when they grew short of breath. “You are a good kisser.” “Thank you,” whispered Erestor shyly. “It has been a while though, since I last kissed someone.” He had kissed Glorfindel in the Great Halls, but he couldn’t tell the blond that.  Glorfindel understood. /Gil-galad./ He didn’t want to say the name aloud, afraid it would remind Erestor of what he had lost. “Then it is a shame you had to wait this long to be kissed again.” Smiling radiantly, he claimed Erestor’s lips, engaging their tongues in a sensual duel. Erestor easily awarded him the victory. He frowned a little at that, but ignored it. Erestor would grow more comfortable around him in time and he reckoned the treatment he had suffered in Orthanc had much to do with the raven-haired Elf’s extremely cautious behavior toward him. Erestor gently suckled and nibbled Glorfindel’s bottom lip. There was little else he was still capable of. All he felt was the blond’s body pressed close and soft lips against his. It was utter bliss. Happy to let Glorfindel take the lead, he watched the golden-haired Elf pull back, regretfully, but with a huge smile on the blond’s face. Caressing a plait, Glorfindel looked inquiringly at Erestor. “May I undo them? I like it when you wear your hair loose.” “I will never be able to deny you anything,” whispered Erestor truthfully. “Of course you may.” He closed his eyes temporarily, concentrating on the feel of Glorfindel’s fingers, moving through his hair. It felt good to have his hair loose again and he smiled warmly at the blond when Glorfindel fingered a strand. “What do we do now?” He was afraid of the answer, but he needed to hear it anyway. Glorfindel frowned. “What do you mean?” “Do we go back to being… friends, or would you like me to court you?” The frown deepened. “Why would I want to go back to being friends?” The only thing he could think of was that Erestor didn’t want to be with him because of the abomination he was carrying. “Oh, I understand…” Involuntarily, one hand left the dark hair and settled on his stomach. “Nay!” Erestor understood at once. “I meant what I said earlier. I will love the baby because he is your flesh and blood!” Glorfindel’s frown remained. “Then I feel truly lost.” “I can imagine you would want to go back to Elrond…” He couldn’t help feeling insecure and in need of reassurance. This was so unexpected, so unreal! Not in his wildest dreams could he have imagined Glorfindel having feelings for him! Glorfindel’s eyes filled with compassion and understanding. “I am sorry that I never noticed you had feelings for me, but you could have told me.” “You chose Elrond…” “Because I did not know you were interested in me!” Glorfindel was growing frustrated. Determined, he placed his hands on either side of Erestor’s head and waited until he had the other’s complete attention. “I chose Elrond because I was attracted to him, but he told me at the very start that he did not feel that way about me. But like him, I was lonely too. I had been reborn and thrust into a new life without much to hold onto. I needed someone, -someone wise- who would help me find my way and Elrond did that.” Erestor swallowed hard. That was one admission he had never thought to hear and he could tell that Glorfindel wasn’t finished yet. “There was an understanding between Elrond and me, but there was never any passion, nor the love that I feel blossoming in my heart right now. I do not know what I would have done, had you told me, but as you didn’t, we will never find out. If I have learned one thing in my life --well two lives actually-- it is that you have to let go of the past and focus on the present and the future. Can you let go of your resentment?” “Resentment?” Erestor’s eyes widened. “You resent the fact that I chose Elrond whilst you were in love with me. You have to let go of that feeling or it will always keep us apart. We can start anew right now.” Glorfindel’s heart was pounding and his mouth had gone dry. “Can you?” Erestor focused inside and had to admit Glorfindel was right – to some degree. “I always felt jealous of Elrond, because he had you.” Seeing the accepting look in the azure eyes, he added, “Aye, I can let go because I love you.” “Say it again,” whispered Glorfindel dreamily. Erestor grinned smugly. “I love you… melamin.” Suddenly something clicked in Glorfindel’s thoughts. “You once almost called me that on our way back, did you not?” “You noticed?” He had thought Glorfindel barely coherent back then. “I did, but I did not pay it any attention at the time… Again?” “I love you!” exclaimed Erestor, growing giddy. “Love you, love you, love you!” Boldly, he bestowed butterfly kisses onto the blond’s smiling face. “I have loved you for so long.” He had even challenged Mandos for Glorfindel. He had never thought things would work out for them. “I love you so much, melamin.” Glorfindel examined his own feelings thoroughly. “I love you too, Erestor.” It was true. He had fallen for his mysterious, raven-haired savior. He giggled softly; Erestor’s light kisses made his skin tingle. Erestor smiled and rested his head once more on Glorfindel’s chest. “I am sorry I made you come after me into the storm last night.” “That was my decision. I saw you leave and Elrond suggested that I should follow you to find out why you were leaving.” Glorfindel nodded once in sudden understanding. “He knew you wanted to honor the love you had for Gil-galad.” “Aye, he did,” whispered Erestor, suddenly feeling guilty for having lost his heart again. “Part of me is still grieving.” “He must have been exceptional for you to love him that much.” “He was. I just wish I had been there to protect him.” Glorfindel raised a hand and soothingly stroked the black tresses. /I am glad you weren’t, for else I might have never known your love./ Holding Erestor close, he sighed deeply. “Why the sigh?” “I am glad you finally decided to confide in me. Had you denied that you love me, we would still be suffering in silence.” Erestor raised his head slightly to look into Glorfindel’s eyes. Quizzically, he asked, “We?” Glorfindel nodded, once more caressing Erestor’s soft skin as his fingertips explored the dark-haired Elf’s face. Licking his lips, he said, “In my vision Vaire hinted that someone had been loving me for centuries, and I had no idea who she was talking about. But during these last few days I began to love you back and I wondered if my love would be unrequited. I was suffering too, not knowing if you wanted me.” “How could I not want you?” Disbelief colored Erestor’s voice. “I love you!” “Aye, I know that now, but I did not earlier.” Glorfindel applied minute pressure to force Erestor to lay down his head again. Resuming the soothing caresses to the dark hair he looked through the window. “We can still sleep a few more hours.” “I *am* still tired…” admitted Erestor in a fatigued tone. Carefully, he wrapped his arms around Glorfindel. Sleepily, he whispered, “Love… you… mel… amin…” The words caused Glorfindel to smile. “I love you too, nîn bellas.” He felt like a burden had been lifted from his shoulders and he snuggled closer to Erestor, returning the hug. “You are mine now.” And he definitely noticed the underlying tone of possession, when speaking those words. “Mine.” ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ A few hours later, a familiar sound woke Erestor from his sleep. Glorfindel was trying to leave their warm bed, hand covering his mouth. He was on his feet within seconds, gently supporting the blond when they made their way into the bathroom. Whilst Glorfindel submitted to the nausea and heaving, Erestor tenderly brushed the long blond locks away from Glorfindel’s face and pressed a cool wash cloth against the other’s brow. Glorfindel rode out the heaving and then leaned against Erestor. “I am not sure… how much… more of this… I can take.” Erestor realized it was time to take action. He helped Glorfindel sit down on a chair, which was standing in a corner of the bathroom and then began to let the pool fill. Glorfindel felt clammy and maybe a bath would refresh him. Glorfindel watched Erestor absentmindedly. One hand had settled onto his abdomen en he was involuntarily rubbing his distended stomach. After adding some soothing oils to the water, Erestor turned around and knelt in front of the blond. “Can you undress yourself or do you need my help?” Glorfindel’s first reaction was to decline any help, but then he reconsidered. Both of them needed to grow closer physically. “Help me…” Erestor smiled adoringly and helped Glorfindel to shrug off and then step out of his sleeping robe. Glorfindel looked uncomfortable now that he was naked, but Erestor found comfort in the fact that the blond didn’t flinch at his touch. He assisted his lover when Glorfindel stepped into the pool and placed a pillow under the other’s head. “Comfortable?” Glorfindel nodded. “I think the bath was a good idea.” For the first time in days his tense muscles seemed to utterly relax. Erestor, sitting on his heels, gently stroked the blond hair. “Would you mind being alone for a few minutes? I want to consult the healers for some kind of potion that will lessen your morning sickness.” Glorfindel considered the question. He didn’t like the idea of Erestor leaving his side, but then again, this morning sickness was exhausting. “As long as you hurry back I will be fine.” Nodding his head, Erestor leaned in closer and placed a chaste kiss on the flaxen hair. “I will be right back!” Azure eyes followed him when he left the room and then closed blissfully; he was truly enjoying the soft caresses the water bestowed on his body. For the moment, all was well! ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ After quickly changing into a shirt and leggings, Erestor hurried over to the Healing House. As he wasn’t looking where he was going, he suddenly bumped into a warm body. He was about to whisper an apology when he realized it was Elrond. “I was looking for you.” Getting his first good look at his friend today, he frowned. Elrond looked troubled. Elrond cleared his throat. “I hope Glorfindel found you… and that you talked to him. You worried him by leaving that unexpectedly.” “I am sorry,” said Erestor sincerely. “I know last night was important to you,” whispered Elrond softly, “But you must put Glorfindel first. He needs you.” “I know that,” admitted Erestor, now beginning to feel guilty for leaving Glorfindel without a proper explanation. “And you are right. I talked to him. I… I told him I love him.” Elrond smiled warmly at hearing that. “And what did Glorfindel say?” “He loves me back.” Hesitantly Erestor met Elrond’s eyes. “He actually chided me for not speaking up earlier.” Elrond’s smile warmed even further. “At least you told him now. I am happy for the two of you. I always hoped you would make your move.” “I know you did.” Erestor moistened his lips. “Are you… How do you feel… about… You know… that we are…” He just didn’t know how to ask this. Was Elrond mad at him? Elrond easily read the emotions in Erestor’s eyes. “As I said, I am happy for the two of you. Glorfindel and I were never in love. We just needed each other.” “Do you *still* need him?” asked Erestor, acting on impulse. He would hate for Elrond to feel lonely. A hesitant expression appeared in Elrond’s eyes, but it quickly vanished again. “I am sure I can find my balance again. It will just take some time.” Erestor’s heart contracted painfully. “You are always welcome to spend time with us, Elrond.” Elrond’s smile didn’t quite reach his eyes. “Erestor, I know that the two of you are my friends. I do…” “I hope so.” Erestor was determined to keep an eye on the brooding half-Elf. “Mellon-nîn, Glorfindel continues to suffer from morning sickness. Do you have a potion that might relieve his agony?” “I think I do,” said Elrond calmly. “It is a pity that his pregnancy came about under such grave circumstances.” Deciding to confide in his friend, he said, “Last night, he referred to the baby as ‘it’. That worries me.” Erestor, falling into step beside Elrond as they walked toward the Healing House, nodded once. “I understand your concern, but you weren’t there when I found him. He really was in a bad way.” His thoughts drifted back. “The mere thought of having an Uruk-Hai’s child makes him feel intensely sad and angry. He had no say in this. Saruman forced him to do this.” Elrond understood, but he still worried about his friend’s mental health. “What else did he say?” “He is afraid that the baby will have claws and rip him open when the moment of birth comes.” Erestor wrung his hands. “I try to reassure him, but he is afraid to hope for the best.” “I will talk to him again. Maybe I can reassure him.” Elrond stepped into the hallway leading to the Healing House and signaled for Erestor to follow him. “I will give you the herbs that should relieve Glorfindel’s morning sickness. I suggest you try baths and light meals throughout the whole day.” “I left him in the pool,” said Erestor, “He looked happy when I left him. I think the hot bath helps.” Erestor gladly accepted the sachets filled with herbs, which Elrond handed him. “How much longer do you think he will suffer from morning sickness?” “I am not sure of anything, mellon-nîn. I have never supervised a male pregnancy before.” A soft smile illuminated his features. “And then of course the food cravings will start. Now, that might be interesting.” “Interesting?” Erestor cringed. “Glorfindel is scared the baby will make him eat raw meat.” “Even Elven maidens occasionally feel that craving during their pregnancy. I would not worry too much about it. Now return to Glorfindel. He will probably be eagerly awaiting your return.” He had sensed the tight bond that had formed between them and he knew that Erestor craved being close to the blond as well. “And try to make him eat something!” “I will!” Erestor nodded thankfully and then quickly left to hurry back to Glorfindel’s side. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Elrond instantly felt guilty, finding Elladan asleep in a chair next to Haldir’s bed. /Oh, my…/ He had forgotten to relieve his son! Soundlessly, he entered the room to check on the silver-haired Elf, letting Elladan sleep. His oldest son was a light sleeper and would probably wake up any moment now. Sitting down on the side of the bed, he rested one hand on Haldir’s brow to check for any fever. Yes, it was still there, but fortunately it had lost some of its intensity. Haldir wasn’t burning up any longer. “Ada?” Elladan tiredly rubbed his eyes, trying to wake up fully. Blinking twice, he sat upright and smiled at Elrond. “He is doing much better now that the healing sleep has come over him.” Then he remembered; his father was attracted to the ‘Lórien Elf and Haldir was bound to no one. Once Elrohir came back, they would come up with some sort of plan to get Elrond and Haldir together. /I want Ada to be happy./ “The healing sleep will continue for at least one, maybe two more days.” Elrond’s hands moved lower to unwrap the bandages. After removing the sachets, he probed the wound, eliciting soft groans from Haldir. “It is healing well.” Looking at Elladan, he added, “I am confident that he will make a complete recovery.” /I could not heal Celebrían, but at least I healed this one./ Indulging himself momentarily, he studied the furrowed brow of his patient. Something seemed to trouble the Elf, even in his sleep. Acting instinctively, he gently rubbed the lines of worry with his fingertips until they were gone. Haldir’s sleep was peaceful once more. “You do not have to stay with him, Elladan. I will sit with him for a while and then the healers can keep an eye on him.” Elladan slowly rose from the chair, stretched and smiled at his father. “Haldir is not bound to anyone, Ada.” He grinned impishly at seeing Elrond’s shocked expression. “You did not tell him, did you? Elladan!” Elrond was stunned. “This is private!” “Ada, calm down. I just asked if he was bound to anyone and he said he wasn’t. I did not mention that you feel attracted to him. Your secret is still safe.” Elladan shook his head. “You did teach me some diplomacy!” But that didn’t reassure Elrond at all. Elladan had never exalted at diplomacy. “Don’t make this any more complicated, Elladan. If I want Haldir to know I will tell him myself.” Elladan cocked his head. “Now that is something I am not sure of you will do. Don’t worry, Ada, if you don’t tell him, I will do it for you!” He grinned and left the room, leaving his father behind, completely stunned. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ In spite of his curiosity, Haldir managed to remain motionless. Elrond thought he was still asleep and he had no desire to change that notion. The truth was that he had heard most of their conversation, waking up when Elrond was probing his wound. /So I was correct after all. It is the father and not the son who is interested in me./ That thought made his heart flutter. He had a hard time acting as if he was still asleep, feeling Elrond’s fingers return to caress his brow. /Well, Elrond Half-Elven, we shall see if you feel inclined to tell me. If not, I might seduce you./ The half-Elf’s touch was intoxicating and he already craved more contact. And what he wanted, he was accustomed to get! TBC Beta read by Lizzle, thanks!